Friday, January 6, 2012

Finding Love After Loss in 2012: 5 Tips on How To Be a Successful Dater

Do you see a new year as a clean slate? A time to wipe away the last year’s trials and tribulations? A time to make resolutions for new behaviors and thoughts?

In theory, these are great ideas. However, how many of us actually keep the grandiose resolutions we make? Will we lose those 50 pounds? Exercise 2 hours a day? Finally clean and throw out all those “goodies” we have boxed in the garage that we haven’t looked at in ages but can’t seem to let go of? I am a minimalist that is, I don’t have a need for lots of “things” and I throw everything out that I’m not currently using. That said, I just threw out all my college papers, and I graduated in 1975!

So, instead of making resolutions, how about simply resolving to do better this year? The more realistic you are, the better chance you have of accomplishing your goals.

If you want to step into the Internet dating arena this year, it’s necessary to get your head in the game. Make a conscious decision that includes a commitment to focus your energy on forward moving action that will get you where you want to go. 

Here are 5 tips to get your started.

1. Spend some time writing a profile that draws an accurate picture of who you are. If you already have a profile online, perhaps it is time to update it. On some of the sites, each time you make a change, it refreshes your entry and makes you more visible. I know when I was Internet dating, I made little changes to my profile quite often and this consistently placed me at the top of the list in the search engines of the sites.

2. You may have lost weight, changed your hair style, taken a fabulous vacation. Do you have new pictures that reflect these changes or events? If so, update your profile picture or add additional pictures to your site.

3. Expand your horizons. By upping the limit on how far you will travel, lowering your height requirements, and enlarging the age parameters for your dates, you can open up lots of opportunities. When I was Internet dating, at first, I turned down dates if my prospective date lived more than 15 miles away. Later on, I loosened up a bit and it was a good thing because my husband was very geographically undesirable. He lived about 30 miles away, and I racked up a lot of mileage during our courtship! Worth it, of course!

4. Actually get out there! Trolling the dating sites and being a great penpal through e-mail will not secure the relationship you want. Don’t back away after initial contact. With mutual consent, make a coffee date. Looking someone in the eye is a quick and easy way to get a sense of another person. 

5. Don’t get discouraged. Dating is a process, and, at times, it can be disappointing. You can compare it to gardening. If you don’t pay attention to your garden, it can easily be overrun by weeds – so much so, that you can’t even see the ground underneath. It may be hard to walk in the garden or to even get your balance. And, it can be overwhelming because as many weeds as you pull, more seem to crop up. It takes perseverance to work your way through the mess, discard the tangled weeds and rediscover the simply beauty of your garden. 

So it is with dating, too. You can refer to the process of meeting prospective dates as a "weeding out" process. It can be overwhelming to meet a lot of people and not feel a connection to any of them. It's easy to get discouraged because it seems as if you are not make much progress in finding the beautiful flowers you know are hidden somewhere. It is imperative to persevere to keep digging because somewhere underneath all those weeds is a perfect flower waiting to be picked just by you. 

Resolve to make 2012 the year that you start looking for love with proactive and foward moving actions.

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