Friday, December 30, 2011

Using Fantasy To Keep A Relationship Vibrant

A change of pace is always a good way to put a little zing back into your step. Accordingly, to balance the inspirational and educational postings I usually offer, I took a stab at writing the beginnings of a romance novel. Be warned, it's a little X-rated, although, I must admit, this is the toned down version!

Whether in a relationship or not, a little fantasy can keep your imagination lively! And, if you are in a relationship, you might want to forward this posting to your partner as a bit of foreplay.

So, let me know if you think I should switch careers!

Under cover of the stealth of the night she came to him.

Scant moments after passing over the threshold of his house, he slipped his tongue inside her mouth, relentlessly exploring all the dark recesses. His mouth was hot, hard and urgent. Her mind and body exploded with light and color, all the while relishing the damp and velvety-rough feel of his tongue. From deep within his throat, there came a slow and purring, yet hungry, sound.

The air was thick with desire, and their bodies were full of delicious tingling and emotions no longer able to be bound. They ate at each other’s mouths, but that soon was not enough. His hands slid down her body and with one quick movement he pulled her toward him. Grinding his body into hers, he urgently whispered, “I need you right now.”

They tore at their clothes, shedding them all as they still stood in the entryway of his house. He took her right there – hard and fast against the wall with her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. With each searing movement their desire escalated, racing toward the precipice where reason no longer exists. In unison, an absolute and phenomenal release was experienced that managed to shake their bodies as well as their hearts and souls. They continued to cling to each other as their ragged breath and the harsh beating of their hearts started to slow. But their desire did not wane and he took her hand and led her up the stairs ….

As they entered the bedroom, she noticed the mood was set for love making … scented candles flickering, music crooning, and a soft, lilting breeze blowing in from the open window.

He first led her to the shower where they could renew their bodies from the frantic and hurried coupling that had taken place. He tested the water, making sure it was the perfect temperature before allowing it to touch his beloved’s delicate skin. She joined him, and this shower together became a dance of love.

Lips quenched their thirst from the rivulets pouring off their bodies. Soapy hands stroked throbbing flesh while uninhibitedly exploring and giving delight to each other.

She massaged his head and neck and then continued down as she ran her hands sensuously over his entire body. The exquisiteness of the tension exploded in her hands as she soapily milked him dry. The water had long turned tepid, but the fervor still ran hot.

Stepping out of the shower on weakened legs, she toweled him dry, all the while dripping herself. The cool breeze made her nipples stand at attention, and he leaned in to suckle on her breast. He fanned the flames of desire within her once again and she moaned with delight. He swooped her off her feet and carried her to his bed …

Friday, December 23, 2011

Finding Love After Loss: Facts About Dating

As I twirled around the Internet, I found these random facts about dating and relationships. I’ve included a little commentary in red (my two cents) on some of these stated “facts.”

According to a 2009 U.S. Census Bureau report, there were 95.9 million unmarried people in the U.S. of which 47% are men and 53% are women. 

This is a statistic that seems to hold up throughout the years. Women seem to outlive the men. Perhaps this is a good reason to look for a younger man!  Grrr!

Janis Spindel in her book, How To Date Men: Dating Secrets from America’s Top Matchmaker, tells of a study that shows happiness is contagious and that potential dates find it hard to walk away from happy people. One of the highest turn-offs during a date is negativity.

I wholeheartedly agree with this! If you are begrudgingly going out on a date and project an aura of negativity, don’t expect there to be any sparks flying. Conversely, if you are confident and feel good about yourself AND smile at your date, you will create a warm environment that makes your date feel comfortable. “Chemistry” is really overrated. I think people much rather feel comfortable first.

Spindel also says, “A man’s top dating fears include that a woman will come between him and his friends, won’t allow him free time, will turn out to be a stalker, won’t respect him or will be too high maintenance.”

Take an inventory of your behaviors and see if you are exhibiting any of these turn-offs. Of course, these items could also be turn-offs to women. In truth, simply because you are dating someone, it doesn’t mean that the rest of your life gets pushed aside. A new partner should be integrated into your life, which includes seeing friends and also allowing for some alone time to complete tasks or just to relax and rejuvenate. Remember … a little absence can make the heart grow fonder. Give a partner a chance to realize that when the two of you are apart that he/she misses you!

Diane Mapes, author of How To Date in a Post-Dating World, found during her research that four out of ten workplace dating relationships result in marriage. 

This makes sense because these are the people you see every day and with whom you have the most interaction. There are many companies who discourage workplace romances, though, and this precludes one of the best venues for meeting people. Perhaps it’s not a good idea to get involved with your boss or vice versa, for if things don’t work out, it could turn ugly with accusations of sexual harassment. If you are going to date someone within your company, it’s probably better if it is not someone with whom you directly work.

On another note, Mapes reposts that in the online dating world, while women are afraid of meeting a serial killer, men are afraid of meeting someone fat. 

Hmmm… do you think that’s a fair comparison and are these types equally scary? I think not. Sounds like some people need to get their priorities in order.

In their dating tips, reported that “women who post a photo on Internet dating sites receive twice as many email messages as women who don’t. The same study found that men who reported incomes higher than $250,000 received 156% more email than those with $50,000.”

It is important to post a picture with an Internet dating profile. Make sure it is a current one and an accurate representation of you. Internet dating may be a form of blind dating, but participants still want a little preview before contacting a prospective date.

Lisa Daily, in her book Dating Averages: What’s Your Normal?, reports the following.

1. Couples usually wait until 6 to 8 dates before they are willing to enter into an exclusive relationship. 

2. The most common time for breakups is around 3 to 5 months.

3. On average, it takes between 12 to 14 dates before couples will trade house keys.

4. Research shows that men know they’re falling in love after just 3 dates, but women don’t fall in love until date 14.

5. On average, daters will kiss on their second date.

I suppose she did the research to come up with these statistics, but there are no hardfast rules to which to adhere. Every relationship is unique and will proceed at its own pace.

Steve Santagati, in his 2007 book, The Manual, reports:

1. If you want to create an instant link with a date, say his or her name at least twice in the conversation. This show attentiveness and connectedness.

2. Psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania studied data from over 10,000 speed daters and found that most people make a decision regarding a person’s attraction within three seconds of meeting.

I do believe we get an instantaneous gut reaction to someone, but real attraction grows once you get to know the person.

Finally, Victoria Zdrock, in her book Dr. Z on Scoring: How To Pick Up, Seduce and Hook Up with Hot Women, provides some insight into the dating process.

1, In a survey of 5,000 singles conducted by, 43% said fresh breath mattered the most before a date, 17% said stylish clothes, 15% said sexy fragrance, 14% said good skin, and 10% said great hair.

2. Studies show that before a man even speaks a word, the way he stands (whether he is slouching or not) counts for over 80% of woman’s first impression.

3. Research has confirmed that women are more attracted to men who wear pheromone-based colognes or aftershaves such as 10X. Studies have also shown that women, who have a stronger sense of smell than men, are particularly attracted to musk and black licorice smells.

4. Body type is important in attracting a date. Studies show that overweight individuals were perceived less favorably than thin or muscular people. Thin individuals were perceived as intelligent but fearful, and muscular individuals were perceived as being healthy, brave, and good looking.

5. Top ten turn-offs for women include cystic acne, raggedy nails, flatulence and belching, missing teeth, body odor, bad breath, hairy nostrils, “man boobs,” “goofy” glasses, and hair “mistakes.”

6. When a man first approaches a woman, she will base 55% of her initial impression of him on his appearance and body language, 38% on his style of speaking, and 7% on what he actually says.

7. If a woman offers to pay for everything, chances are she isn’t that into the date. There’s an unspoken understanding that a man paying for everything is a form of “copulatory gift,” which is almost universal in all animal species.

In conclusion, I think facts about dating and relationships are fun to read and they can be enlightening. I also believe there are some basic dating rules, which include do's and don'ts. However, love is an emotion and it's hard to make it fit into a box. 

My advice: Be discerning about everything you hear and read. Pick and choose which resound with you and which work in your life. You're an individual and your experience will be unique.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Finding Love After Loss: Should You Admit Your Real Age on a Dating Profile?

As a society, we are confronted with endless images of airbrushed perfection in magazines, on TV and at the movies. Consequently, it's easy to forget that real people do age.

Not everyone races for Botox and hair dye at the first sign of a few wrinkles and gray hair. In fact, many prefer to embrace the passage of time and are proud that their bodies tell the story of their life ... wrinkles and all.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't always try to look your best, especially when entering the dating arena ... only try not to become obsessed with age, both yours and the ages of your prospective dates.

That said, do you believe that everyone lies – or at least fudges a little bit – on an Internet dating profile? And so, do you ask yourself, "What's the harm in shaving a few years or a few pounds off my profile?"

It's easy to get caught in this trap because you, of course, want to make yourself the most attractive to the most amount of prospective dates. However, just because other people are doing something wrong, does that make it morally okay for you to do it too?

Lying is lying, and there's no getting around it. I think it is always important to tell your real age, height and weight, as well as be honest about your internal characteristics. Posting a current picture that is an accurate representation of how you look is also imperative. After all, if you intend on meeting your prospective dates, you certainly don't want to start with a lie. There's nowhere to go from there except down!

So, the basic rule is tell the truth! Of course, when there are rules, people look for exceptions to them.

Let's say you have just turned 50 and that puts you into a older age category on the Internet dating sites. Young at heart, you are more comfortable with the visibility of the 40-49 age group and wish to remain in that category. 

What are you options and how do you work around this age thing? 

Watch the following video where I offer some suggestions and, perhaps, a change in perspective for you.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Finding Love After Loss: 7 Signs That Someone Likes You

You are dating a person who you deem a keeper. How do you know he/she feels that way about you, too? 

No matter how powerful and deep your feelings are, if they are not reciprocated they mean very little. 

Dating limbo, or "sort of dating" someone is a difficult and tiring place to be. Rather than spending your energy on fostering the relationship, you exert it on keeping your feelings in check so you don't scare this prospective mate away.

Always remember that you deserve to be with a person who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him or her. When a person makes excuses for not calling or spending time together, he/she is telegraphing that the relationship is not important. If this happens repeatedly, don't brush this hint aside.

Conversely, here are 7 signs that indicate your date enjoys being with you and wants to move to the next level.

1. They are curious about you. They ask a lot of questions and seem genuinely interested in the answers because they find everything you say fascinating.

2. They return your phone calls, emails, texts. They are prompt in answering you. They don’t play games, for example they don't worry if their quick response time makes them seem overanxious. Keep in mind that it’s simply polite to answer someone in a timely fashion (in both dating and any other situation).

3. They introduce you to their friends. They are proud to be with you and want to include you in their circle of friends.

4. They want to meet your friends. They want to be included in your circle and come to know the important people in your life.

5. They are dependable. They become your “go-to” person – the one on whom you can depend to help you out when needed. Miles Franklin said, "Someone to tell it to is one of the fundamental needs of human beings."

6.They are comfortable just hanging out. The two of you can be with each other in companionable silence and not feel awkward or feel the everpressing need to fill the silence. I'm reminded of what Piglet said to Pooh when he came up from behind him. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you." (A.A. Milne)

7. They start using the words we and us. Couple-speak is used with ease. This leads to couple thinking vs. single thinking. Both of you start to think of yourself as a unit, and as Marceline Desbordes-Valmore asked, "Are we not like two volumes of one book?"

Friday, December 2, 2011

Finding Love After Loss: Creating Magic In Your Life


Wouldn’t it be nice if we each had our own magic wand to wave over our lives and “PRESTO!” our every desire would be fulfilled?

Life doesn’t exactly work that way, but we do have the ability to create magic in our lives every day by adopting a positive attitude and changing our perspective so we can see the lighter side of negatively perceived circumstances.

As a Grief and Relationship Coach, I see my job as sort of a magician, as I work with you so you can come to see the same circumstances through different eyes. A sleight of hand trick, if you will!

It’s my desire to help you make that shift in order to move forward and find your “happily right now.”

In order to get you in a magical state of mind, I’ve created a short video that includes some magic: Durer’s Magic Square.

Please enjoy it and take advantage of my offer at the end!

For a change in perspective, also take advantage of my Holiday Sale on
five of my e-books, which I'm offering for $5/each or all 5 for $20.

A blueprint on how YOU can find love after the loss of a partner from death, divorce or break-up.

A compendium of articles that covers the most asked questions on how to move through grief to find a renewal of body and soul.

The Other Side of the Vail: Spiritual Guidance for Everyday Living
A Spirituality 101 primer written with the premier psychic and my co-author, Melinda Vail.

The ABC’s of the Feelings and Faces of Grief
My newest book (and the first in a series) that describes the feelings and faces of grief from A to Z. There are also 26 actionable suggestions on how to cope with each feeling.

101 Tips on Coping with Grief
101 concise actionable tips on how to move through your grief.

E-Book Titles