Finding Love After Loss

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Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Tips For Dating After Loss

Dating Before You're Ready For Another Relationship Is 
Simply Practice For When The Real Thing Comes Along

On the average, two years is a healthy time to wait before starting to date after the loss of a spouse from death. After a divorce or break-up, it is equally important to take some time for yourself and by yourself. No matter the circumstances, the experience of losing a partner changes you, and it's necessary for you to figure out who that new person is before jumping into a new relationship. 

If you're anxious for companionship, what you could do is “practice” date before you're truly ready to re-partner. However, realize you are not in the right frame of mind to make a lasting commitment until you're done healing your wounded heart. 

Mourning your last relationship BEFORE moving into a new relationship is imperative for a successful outcome. 

Come To Know The Difference Between
Loneliness and Honest Attraction 

When you are lonely and vulnerable, it is easy to be flattered by attention from prospective partners and mistake those feelings for true emotional compatibility. Keep those heady feelings in check while you get to really know someone. Deep and meaningful relationships take lots of time to develop. 

What we resist, persists. 

In resistance, you give energy to a thought or feeling, and the universe has no choice but to reflect it back to you. When you block the flow of energy (by resisting), you stop it from being released. If you are steeped in your loneliness, those feelings will continue to persist until you change your thoughts regarding this matter. 

Try to imagine that the universe is a giant mirror and whatever you project out is reflected back into your life. If you don’t believe that there are men and women of quality for you to meet or that both sexes are untrustworthy, then these are the types of people who you will encounter. In actuality, it is your own demeanor and belief system that are drawing these less than desirable types to you. You have set up an expectation, and the universe and you will look to fulfill and validate it.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Tips for Healthy Relationships

Amy Poehler said: "I want to be around people that do things. I don't want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people who dream and support and do things."

Negative people focus on what’s wrong and complain. Positive people may focus on a problem but then think of ways to turn it around. 

With whom are YOU spending your time and is it impacting your vision of yourself and the world around you? 

Sshh! Never fail to know that, if you are doing all the talking, you are boring someone. 

Conversation is a two-way street. Think of it like a volleyball game. It’s the job of the participants to keep the ball up in the air and transfer control back and forth. Additionally, sometimes it’s your turn to serve (be in charge) and, at other times, you must cede control to the other team.  

Tom Arnold said, "It’s easy to enjoy each other while on vacation in Maui. The key is find someone you can have fun with during the six hour fight over there."

Big events such as celebrations and vacations are terrific. However, life is lived and love is expanded in all the little mundane moments. Don’t let any moments (big or small) pass you by without feeling grateful for being able to share your life with your partner. 

Check out my roster of books on dating, love and relationships, which are available via Amazon, Barnes and Noble and my website.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

3 Tips on How To Have a Healthy Relationship

The Boiling Frog Syndrome

Beware the Boiling Frog Syndrome, which states the following rule: If a frog is placed in a pot of boiling water, he'll immediately jump out of it to protect himself.

However, if you place a frog in a pot of cool to room temperature water and slowly turn up the fire until it reaches a boil, he won't notice the subtle change in temperature and will be boiled alive. 

Here's how to extrapolate this principle to the state of your relationship. 

You know when you're in boiling water with a partner. However, it's not so easy to recognize when things are slowly going awry. The lesson: Pay Attention! Big things often have small beginnings. It's possible to remedy an issue before it gets out of hand and seems unconquerable.

There Are No "Shoulds"

Don't hide you vast magnificence simply to fit into someone else's preconceived notion of who he/she thinks you should be. Only YOU get to decide who you are! Walk tall to your own drumbeat.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Make sure to build your relationship upon a strong foundation, which includes honesty, respect,and open communication, so it doesn't crumble during times of trouble.

For further help on finding love and keeping it vibrant, check out my roster of books on this subject by clicking here.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Relationships Start With You

Love won't solve all your problems OR make it a perfect world. It will, however, provide a partner with whom you can face the everyday assault of the slings and arrows upon your soul. 
And that will make all the difference.

Be patient with love.
Desperation never catches anything healthy.

Always walk to your own moral drumbeat. Often, when others observe bold behavior, it makes them feel uncomfortable because they realize they are too fearful to exhibit the same. In turn, they may reject you rather than confronting their own failings.

Whether you're in a relationship or not, the person with whom you spend the most amount of time is YOU! 
That's why it's so important to love and enjoy your own company. Then you're never lonely because you find yourself so entertaining or are easily amused by life in general.

If you're on Pinterest, you can enjoy more tips and thoughts such as the preceding by clicking here.


If you need some help with dating and/or a current relationship, make sure to take advantage of my Super Sale on coaching for only $25/hour (usually $80/hour). 

This will only be for a limited time. Click below to purchase. 
Make sure to include full contact information, including email and phone number.

Friday, December 13, 2013

2013 Holiday Sale On Books

When I started dating and the relationship became serious, my younger son questioned me: “How can I love Mr. X and still love my dad?”  I explained to my son that just because he was letting someone new into his heart, it didn’t mean he had to kick out any of the current residents. This allowed him to release his guilt about dishonoring his dad by loving someone new.

The truth is that the heart is an ever-expanding organ. There’s no set limit on how many people you can love. Let’s also remember that all love is unique to the particular relationship, so one doesn’t replace the other.

How to find love after loss (and all the confusing emotions that go alone with that) happens to be my area of specialty. If you need some coaching or want to read self-help books on this subject, please visit me on my website at and click here to join me on Facebook for daily tips and thoughts about love, dating and the tenets of healthy relationships.

As a holiday special, I'm offering a deep discount on three of my books in an e-book format (PDF format).

Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story
$5.00 (normally $9.99 for Kindle and $14.95 in paperback)

Suddenly Single: How To Find Renewal After Loss
$5.00 (normally $9.99 for Kindle and $15.95 for paperback

Words of Comfort To Pave Your Journey of Loss
$3.00 (normally $3.95 for Kindle and $8.99 for paperback)

To Purchase Click on the Appropriate Link. 
To assure that you will receive the book by e-mail, add the address from which it will be coming to your address book:

Special Holiday Pricing

More books available on Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

Review of Love After Loss
Diane Leifer said: A fabulous step-by-step guide on how to find love again after the loss of a partner from death, divorce or break-up. Ellen Gerst systematically guides you through the process of dealing with and healing from your loss, while clearly defining the necessary steps to take to find happiness in a new relationship. Her practical, concise writing style, combined with personal anecdotes, interesting quotes, poems and exercises creates a very uplifting and emotionally exciting read. I found the chapters on self-refection extremely valuable, as it's clearly the key to recognizing how you have changed now that you are newly single. Gaining this insight and understanding of the 'new you' is essential before you launch yourself into the world of dating. The book suggests that readers ask themselves many key questions, which can help clearly define what they are looking for in their next relationship, and then reflect upon the answers. This new sense of self plus understanding what is now important are the vital ingredients of finding a new relationship. There are a number of chapters on the 'Rules and Tools' of dating which include excellent information on how to systematically and successfully delve in to the process of on-line dating. Ellen teaches the reader the 'new rules' on how to date and how to successfully build a relationship when the right person does appear. While the relationship may not look anything like you had imagined it would, your fresh understanding of your newly evolved 'self' has broadened your horizons and allowed happiness to return. Ellen Gerst gives you the confidence to get in touch with what is truly important to you with humor, introspection and a truly personal touch. I highly recommend "Love After Loss," as an excellent guide for those who are seriously interested in finding and developing a new relationship.

Reviews of Words of Comfort
Audrey Pellicano said: As a widow and a Grief Recovery Specialist, I found Ellen's latest work to be clear and true to it's title. Ellen shares her deepest emotions and offers a guide to anyone lost in grief after the death of a loved one. She dispels some of the myths around grief and offers words of comfort and tools to apply to your life as you go forward on your grief journey. She truly offers words of wisdom to those in need. I will recommend "Words of Comfort to Pave Your Journey of Loss" to my widowed clients.

Ellen Kamp of The W Connection said: Ellen Gerst has written a sensitive and practical guide about adapting to the realities of widowhood. She addresses many of the challenges that widows deal with and provides her own experiences as guideposts for navigating these challenges. It is easy to read and is a book that one can go back to over and over again for advice. As the President and Co-founder of a non profit organization dedicated to helping widows rebuild their lives, The W Connection, I have already recommended this book to a member looking for ways to get "unstuck". I highly recommend this book to widows as well as the non-widowed.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Practice Makes Perfect

I'm a big proponent of practice dating ... that is, dating without intention. 

When you first step into the dating pool, you may be feeling a bit intimidated or nervous. Saying YES! to all who ask you out can help you to become more comfortable in your dating skin as you hone your vision of the type of person for whom you are looking.

Posted below is a very short video on this subject.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

What's The Big Deal About Valentine's Day?

It’s Valentine’s Day and, if you’re single and bemoaning the fact that you don’t have a valentine, will you consider the following for a change in perspective? 

February 9 was National Toothache Day. 
Are you upset because you don’t have a toothache? 

March 17 is St. Patrick’s Day. 
Are you avoiding this day because you’re not Irish? 

March 24 is World Tuberculosis Day
Are you upset because you don’t have TB? 

May 12 is International Nurses Day. 
If you’re not a nurse, are you upset? 

August 20 is World Mosquito Day. 
I don't know about you, but when the pesky mosquito gets assigned its own day, I think we need to re-examine the concept of celebratory days! 

The larger point is that Valentine’s Day is just a day … and one that is mostly perpetuated by jewelry, card and candy makers. 

It puts artificial pressure on both well-established couples as they fret on what to buy for each other AND newly-established couples as they worry whether they should buy a present and, if they do, how big or little it should be. 

Here’s the question. If you are in a good relationship, do you really need a national day set aside that “forces” you to express your love? Instead, you should be telling your partner every day (with your words and actions) that you love him or her. 

Don’t be intimidated by Valentine’s Day. You can welcome love into your life in hundreds of ways. In fact, it all starts with you and love of self. If you’re spending the day alone, use it to fall in love with yourself!