Friday, December 23, 2011

Finding Love After Loss: Facts About Dating

As I twirled around the Internet, I found these random facts about dating and relationships. I’ve included a little commentary in red (my two cents) on some of these stated “facts.”

According to a 2009 U.S. Census Bureau report, there were 95.9 million unmarried people in the U.S. of which 47% are men and 53% are women. 

This is a statistic that seems to hold up throughout the years. Women seem to outlive the men. Perhaps this is a good reason to look for a younger man!  Grrr!

Janis Spindel in her book, How To Date Men: Dating Secrets from America’s Top Matchmaker, tells of a study that shows happiness is contagious and that potential dates find it hard to walk away from happy people. One of the highest turn-offs during a date is negativity.

I wholeheartedly agree with this! If you are begrudgingly going out on a date and project an aura of negativity, don’t expect there to be any sparks flying. Conversely, if you are confident and feel good about yourself AND smile at your date, you will create a warm environment that makes your date feel comfortable. “Chemistry” is really overrated. I think people much rather feel comfortable first.

Spindel also says, “A man’s top dating fears include that a woman will come between him and his friends, won’t allow him free time, will turn out to be a stalker, won’t respect him or will be too high maintenance.”

Take an inventory of your behaviors and see if you are exhibiting any of these turn-offs. Of course, these items could also be turn-offs to women. In truth, simply because you are dating someone, it doesn’t mean that the rest of your life gets pushed aside. A new partner should be integrated into your life, which includes seeing friends and also allowing for some alone time to complete tasks or just to relax and rejuvenate. Remember … a little absence can make the heart grow fonder. Give a partner a chance to realize that when the two of you are apart that he/she misses you!

Diane Mapes, author of How To Date in a Post-Dating World, found during her research that four out of ten workplace dating relationships result in marriage. 

This makes sense because these are the people you see every day and with whom you have the most interaction. There are many companies who discourage workplace romances, though, and this precludes one of the best venues for meeting people. Perhaps it’s not a good idea to get involved with your boss or vice versa, for if things don’t work out, it could turn ugly with accusations of sexual harassment. If you are going to date someone within your company, it’s probably better if it is not someone with whom you directly work.

On another note, Mapes reposts that in the online dating world, while women are afraid of meeting a serial killer, men are afraid of meeting someone fat. 

Hmmm… do you think that’s a fair comparison and are these types equally scary? I think not. Sounds like some people need to get their priorities in order.

In their dating tips, reported that “women who post a photo on Internet dating sites receive twice as many email messages as women who don’t. The same study found that men who reported incomes higher than $250,000 received 156% more email than those with $50,000.”

It is important to post a picture with an Internet dating profile. Make sure it is a current one and an accurate representation of you. Internet dating may be a form of blind dating, but participants still want a little preview before contacting a prospective date.

Lisa Daily, in her book Dating Averages: What’s Your Normal?, reports the following.

1. Couples usually wait until 6 to 8 dates before they are willing to enter into an exclusive relationship. 

2. The most common time for breakups is around 3 to 5 months.

3. On average, it takes between 12 to 14 dates before couples will trade house keys.

4. Research shows that men know they’re falling in love after just 3 dates, but women don’t fall in love until date 14.

5. On average, daters will kiss on their second date.

I suppose she did the research to come up with these statistics, but there are no hardfast rules to which to adhere. Every relationship is unique and will proceed at its own pace.

Steve Santagati, in his 2007 book, The Manual, reports:

1. If you want to create an instant link with a date, say his or her name at least twice in the conversation. This show attentiveness and connectedness.

2. Psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania studied data from over 10,000 speed daters and found that most people make a decision regarding a person’s attraction within three seconds of meeting.

I do believe we get an instantaneous gut reaction to someone, but real attraction grows once you get to know the person.

Finally, Victoria Zdrock, in her book Dr. Z on Scoring: How To Pick Up, Seduce and Hook Up with Hot Women, provides some insight into the dating process.

1, In a survey of 5,000 singles conducted by, 43% said fresh breath mattered the most before a date, 17% said stylish clothes, 15% said sexy fragrance, 14% said good skin, and 10% said great hair.

2. Studies show that before a man even speaks a word, the way he stands (whether he is slouching or not) counts for over 80% of woman’s first impression.

3. Research has confirmed that women are more attracted to men who wear pheromone-based colognes or aftershaves such as 10X. Studies have also shown that women, who have a stronger sense of smell than men, are particularly attracted to musk and black licorice smells.

4. Body type is important in attracting a date. Studies show that overweight individuals were perceived less favorably than thin or muscular people. Thin individuals were perceived as intelligent but fearful, and muscular individuals were perceived as being healthy, brave, and good looking.

5. Top ten turn-offs for women include cystic acne, raggedy nails, flatulence and belching, missing teeth, body odor, bad breath, hairy nostrils, “man boobs,” “goofy” glasses, and hair “mistakes.”

6. When a man first approaches a woman, she will base 55% of her initial impression of him on his appearance and body language, 38% on his style of speaking, and 7% on what he actually says.

7. If a woman offers to pay for everything, chances are she isn’t that into the date. There’s an unspoken understanding that a man paying for everything is a form of “copulatory gift,” which is almost universal in all animal species.

In conclusion, I think facts about dating and relationships are fun to read and they can be enlightening. I also believe there are some basic dating rules, which include do's and don'ts. However, love is an emotion and it's hard to make it fit into a box. 

My advice: Be discerning about everything you hear and read. Pick and choose which resound with you and which work in your life. You're an individual and your experience will be unique.

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