Friday, February 24, 2012

If You Ass-u-me, You Won't Find Love After Loss

Your success or failure in the dating arena (or life in general) is directly proportional to the beliefs you hold at the time you embark upon your endeavor.

Many people have preconceived ideas about dating, especially Internet dating. They make assumptions about what it will be like and the type of people they will meet. Moreover, they don’t believe it will work, so they expect failure before they even try.

Usually, these self-defeating thoughts emanate from fear and insecurity and are postulated as a self-protective mechanism. It’s the old teenage mentality of “I’ll reject you, before you reject me.” Additionally, if you’ve let it be known that you don’t believe you will ever meet anyone of quality, when you don’t, you’ve steeled yourself against disappointment. However, in truth, what you’ve done is completed a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You’re probably aware of what the word ASSUME means. When assumptions are made, an ASS is made out of U and ME. That’s because you can’t know what someone else is thinking, unless you ask him or her directly.

So, the first assumption that needs to be thrown out the window is “I know what’s going on.”
In the context of a first date, or first few dates, the answer is probably not. Daters come with agendas, and they are usually not sharing them in the get-to-know-you beginning dates. Don’t assume you know what every sigh, sidelong glance, or lack of communication means.

The second bad assumption you can make is "I have a plan and no adjustments will ever be necessary."
Wrong. Life is fluid and adjustments are necessary to every plan you make. Don’t be rigid. Go with the flow and see where it takes you.

If you are desirous of launching a dating career, then a third assumption to let go is the belief that you are too old (or too young) to find success.
Wrong again. Love comes in all shapes and sizes and at every age. Sometimes, love found at a mature age is much sweeter because time is short and, thus, appreciated more. Both participants, hopefully, are grown up; consequently, they should each know who they are and what they want in a partner.

A fourth assumption that also negates your success is when you assume that you won’t have the time necessary to devote to finding a new partner.
That’s the wrong way to look at it. If you are too busy to date, then either you don’t want to or are afraid to. If you really want something in your life, you will make time for it – no matter how busy you are.

Lastly, the fifth assumption that needs to be banished from your thought processes is that you assume that you don’t deserve to be happy and successful.
Wrong, wrong, wrong! Everyone deserves to be happy and successful. However, you must make a conscious decision to go out and get the things that will allow you to feel that way. The world takes its cue from you; it will “punish” you only in response to your own self-punishment.

Let go of these assumptions and others that are holding you back from finding love. They are self-imposed barriers, and you have the power to tear them down.

You can receive 150 actionable tips on love, dating and relationships in my e-book, In Order To Be Terrific, You Have To Be Specific. It's available via my website.

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