Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Finding Love After Loss: Reaching Outside Your Comfort Zone

Comfort can be an enemy of success in every endeavor, including relationship building. We all get comfortable with our habits and thoughts -- even if they are not healthy ones. We know just what to expect and how we are going to feel. Despite not liking the result of an unhealthy decision, we strangely find comfort when our expectations are fulfilled. This leads to further complacency, laziness and procrastination about changing our ways.

Wishing and hoping your life were different simply buries you deeper into your current circumstance. As discussed in the last post, to move forward you must first make a conscious decision to do so. However, even deciding is not enough. You must also expend the requisite effort needed to move you from your complacency and comfort zone.

Anger can also immobilize you so that you feel unable to make good decisions. If you are angry at the place in which you find yourself, use that anger to fuel your efforts. There's nothing like the attitude of "I'm going to show him/her!" to light a fire under you!

Fear is another deterrent to success. Keep in mind that in this like-attracts-like world, the circumstances you fear the most are the ones that you will foster in your life. One way to overcome fear is to do something you are afraid to do. If you are not scared, then the idea of courage is superfluous. As Mark Twain stated, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear."

Once you start on your path with a goal firmly in mind, it is possible that you may encounter seemingly insurmountable obstacles. In order to not become discouraged at this vantage point, there are two new habits you need to acquire: (1) don't be afraid to fail and (2) if you encounter failure, don't be afraid to start over. Mary Anne Radmacher said, "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow."

So, how can you relate these concepts to finding love after loss?

If you haven't dated in quite a while, entering the dating scene is probably not going to be a situation that provides you with much comfort! To find success, and possibly a new love connection, it is imperative to have an attitude adjustment and adhere to the following three guidelines.

1. DECIDE that you want to look for new love.

2. Expend the EFFORT to move towards this goal, which means taking advantage of every opportunity to connect with others that is presented to you.

3. Step into a circumstance around which you harbor some FEAR, such as Internet dating. If you let the positive effects of fear take hold, your experience can be exhilarating -- just like a roller coaster ride! This energy will allow you to radiate excitement and interest. These two attributes are contagious, and you will have better luck in attracting (and keeping) prospective partners. 

Lastly, pay attention to the wise words of Brian Tracy, "Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new."

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