Saturday, October 2, 2010

Do You Need To Make Some Changes?

If you have decided to look for a new life partner and are not experiencing the success you desire, are you willing to make some changes?

Now, I can already hear some of you saying, "I'm not changing for anyone. Either someone likes me the way I am or not."

This is not the type of change about which I am speaking. You need not change your inherent personality only your approach to dating. After all, isn't it logical that if one method is not working you might want to try another?

Previously, I've made the comparison between dating and marketing. I'm not asking you to change the product (you) underneath, but just to update the packaging and presentation. When there are lots of choices in the marketplace, it is important to make yourself the most impressive and memorable.

So, how are ways you can accomplish this feat?  Following is some food for thought. Try to examine each issue without assigning a charged emotion to it. Moreover, in discernment, take what resounds with you and discard the rest.

1, Is your schedule so packed between holding down a job, taking care of children, and completing everyday chores that you can't even imagine how you would have time to fit in a relationship?
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: Even if you are busy, if you really wanted a relationship (or were truly ready to have one), you would make it a priority and make time and space in your life.

2. If you do agree to meet with someone, is it difficult to even carve out an hour or so because your calendar is so booked?
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: This can be very offputting to a date. If you are having a hard time even finding an open time slot to meet for coffee, he/she might think it would be difficult to get your attention once in a relationship.

3. Have you developed so independent an attitude that you won't "allow" a man to treat your chivalrously (i.e. open the door, pay for a meal)?
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: You can be independent but still "allow" others to do things for you. This does not negate the fact that YOU CAN do it yourself; you are just choosing to let someone else help you. Consider that allowing another to help is really giving him/her a gift. The idea of making another feel special can be very satisfying. 

4. Are you using dates as therapy sessions? At a first meeting is your prior partner monopolizing the discussion?
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: You may want to consciously keep track of how many times you mention your prior partner. Try giving yourself a limit on how many times it will come up.

5. Are tales of your children and their escapades also monopolizing the conversation?
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: Your kids are great and they are a big part of your life. It's not that you shouldn't mention them (and at least ascertain the other person likes kids) however, a date is about two individuals getting to know each other. There's plenty of time to bring your family into the mix. Your date wants to know YOU, and there are many ways to define yourself other than as a parent.

6. Are you too afraid of more loss that you are subconsciously exuding an air of fear?
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: Fear is not a warm and welcoming emotion. Evaluate the vibes you are sending out. What is your body language saying? For example, do you keep your arms crossed over your heart as a way to protect yourself?

7. Have you let your appearance go? Does your hair need some touching up? Does your attire need a serious update?
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT: This point is really more about you than how you act towards a date. It's natural to feel good about ourselves when we think we look our best. I remember I practically let my roots grow down to my ears after my husband passed away! When I finally got my hair cut and colored, I felt better about myself more confident. Additionally, have you been wearing the same clothes for a while because you figure no one is going to see you. Is your underwear getting a little threadbare? Try treating yourself to some new lingerie and an outfit that shows off your best features. Even if you are not dating yet, a refreshment of your wardrobe may refresh your attitude! 

The bottom line is to reassess the messages you are sending out to prospective dates. If you don't like the response you are receiving, it may be time to change the message. And remember, you can change the message without compromising your true self. Change gets a bad rap; it doesn't have to be hard. "Change happens in an instant. It simply requires a decision on your part and then the willingness to follow through." (Anthony Robbins)

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