Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Creating Boundary Spaces

You hear people talk about the concept of boundary space – that a relationship works well if two individuals come together and there always remains some space in between those two personas.

I think it is important for a person to spend time alone to discover him/herself before embarking on a relationship. Introspection and a time of stillness to look deep within your soul allows one to learn to listen to his/her own inner voice – a voice that never lies to you.

You also must be comfortable being with yourself before you can be comfortable with another. And once you discover who you are as an individual, it is necessary to not lose yourself in a relationship. It is that strength -- the ability to be complete and whole by yourself -- which makes you attractive to another. Don’t think you have to give up yourself to be with another.

Dr Nathaniel Branden, in The Psychology of Romantic Love, What Love Is, Why Love Is Born, Why It Sometimes Grows, Why It Sometimes Dies, states

“To be alive is an individual. To be an individual who is conscious is to experience a unique perspective on the world, at least in some respects. To be an individual who is not only conscious but self conscious is to encounter, if only for brief moments, if only in privacy of one’s own mind, the unalterable fact of one’s aloneness.

Aloneness entails self responsibility. No one can think for us, no one can feel for us, no one can live our life for us, and no one can give meaning to our existence except ourselves. To most people; this fact is terrifying. We are all parts of one universe, but within that universe we are each of us a single point of consciousness, a unique event, a private, unrepeatable world. If we do not understand this, we cannot understand some of our most enrapturing experiences of union and fusion. We cannot understand those extraordinary moments of serenity and bliss when we feel ourselves to be one with all that exists. And we cannot understand the ecstasy of romantic love.

The tragic irony of people’s lives is that the very attempt to deny aloneness results in denying love. Without an “I” who loves, what is the meaning of love? First, a self—then, a possibility: the exquisite joy of one self encountering another.”

My take on creating boundary spaces ....

Precious Moments

You are the person with whom I want to spend the most amount of time.
When I am with you, I feel joyful inside.

It doesn't matter what we are doing.
It could be as simple as running errands, and you bring out the best in me.
When I'm with you, and even when I am not,
I strive to be a person of whom you would be proud.

I also understand that there must be spaces in our union.
I never want to smother you with my love and attention, and,
in fact, I want to do just the opposite.

My love should complement you --
set you free and allow you to soar to greater heights.

I will be there to applaud your self-confidence, self-reliance,
and all your accomplishments.

Please know I am your greatest fan!

Next up ... Being Able To See Ourselves

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