Drama Queens and Kings need not apply here! They tend to complicate the simple, as do a lot of others. In fact, as Charles Mingus said, “Making the simple complicated is commonplace.” On the other hand, he continues, “Making the complicated simple, awesomely simple – that’s creativity.”
I am a very big fan of simplicity and have found an easy way to be “creative” in dissolving any drama in my life is to embrace the principles of K.I.S.S., which helps to Keep It Super Simple.
Love tends to be a complicated subject, especially when you're alone and can't figure out how to secure the love you desire to share with another.
Additionally, some find it hard to define because it has multiple manifestations and, thus, is expressed differently with a partner, a parent, a child, a friend and so on.
I suggest, rather than holding onto one finite definition of love, look at this deep emotion as wearing multiple faces and accept that these faces are manifested through numerous and different types of relationships.
In truth, what you know about love is instilled in you as a child. Your familial home is the place where you learn how to love and be loved (or not).
When you view love through the language of your childhood, your understanding of this hard-to-define emotion can have varying degrees of meaning. This is because the dynamics of your upbringing colors how you see everything in your life.
So, if you have experienced difficult and abusive relationships in your lifetime, you might confuse (emotional and physical) pain with love. This type of love (or what you think of as love) is of the conditional sort.
If you recall, in last week’s blog, I asked if love can truly be unconditional. The conclusion was that there are always conditions, even in the best of relations. That’s what makes them work! Those conditions, or the most important ingredients for a successful male to female (or soul to soul) relationship, include respect, allowance and non-judgment. Without these essential emotional aspects being present in a relationship, love (no matter how you define it) can still fail.
Unfortunately, the “human condition” allows for the idea of love to be present even when there exists a high disregard for a partner. Accordingly, a person can believe that disrespect, control and manipulation are a form of love, while, in actuality, they are only comfort zones or simply actions to which he/she has become accustomed without knowing any better.
Furthermore, these kinds of relationships can be repetitive throughout a lifetime and can perpetuate the idea that all connections cause pain and suffering. Until your childhood dynamics are examined and you allow yourself to be released from faulty beliefs, you will continue to draw dysfunctional partners to you.
In the most successful of relationships, both individuals respect the other’s personal soul growth. Also present is a mutual respect of each partner’s ability to adapt to the various situations encountered. This is demonstrated by restraining from projecting feelings that would make a partner feel inadequate and his/her actions feel inappropriate.
Granted, this is an especially hard task to do since human frailty and ego are built on the “right” way. However, if two people can give each other the boundary space to adjust to a mutual experience, and accept that there may be a trigger back to an inner child response, then the relationship can flourish and both can share with one another to create a balance.
HERE'S THE BOTTOM LINE: the most important person to love on this planet is you. Unfortunately, due to the competitive energy that runs through society plus the various challenges met in life, people find this to be the most difficult type of love to preserve. One reason is that self-talk is often completed in the negative with statements such as the following. “I feel stupid.” “I look too heavy or too thin.” “Why can’t I be more like my parents or my siblings?”
This self-defeating and disapproving language is hard-wired into your thinking patterns. It creates an energy of its own and is very hard to remove. Only through the proper use of affirmation can this energy be transformed.
Remember .... you are what you think. Consequently, it is imperative to utilize your thought processes to their fullest potential and, at the same time, release your fears. This allows you to take responsibility for your personal power. Once this power is harnessed, you have the ability to change your life.
By KEEPING IT SUPER SIMPLE, you can begin to peel away the layers to get to the core of any issue. This allows you to come to the conclusion that the answer to any problem is always love.
There are some preliminary questions to be answered before you can embrace love and life. So, here’s your task.
1. Figure out what love means to you and why.
2. Discover from where your language of love stems.
3. Think about how the way you love has affected your life.
If you can learn to love yourself, as well as place yourself first (although not in a negative selfish mode), you will be successful in sharing your love with others.
For more Keeping It Super Simple tips, purchase the K.I.S.S. book.
K.I.S.S. Principles on Spirituality:
30 Ways To Find Clarity by Keeping It Super Simple
It’s available on Amazon.com as a Kindle book at the above link, for which you don’t even need a Kindle to read. Just download a free reading app to read on another device.
This book is part of the Kindle Select program for the months of June, July and August. As an Amazon Prime member, you can borrow it from the Kindle Lending Library.
Additionally, I will be offering this book as a free download on June 8 and June 9, 2012. Three more promo dates will be announced to take place in July/August 2012.