Friday, April 22, 2011

Finding Love After Loss: Dating Turnoffs

Are you the King or Queen of the first date, but it never leads to having a second date?

Check to see if you are exhibiting any of these behaviors. If so, make the appropriate changes to encounter more success in your dating adventures.

1. You exhibit a lack of common courtesy. When you are contacted by e-mail through an Internet dating site, you do not respond promptly, if at all, if you are not interested.
Instead: It only takes a few seconds to say, "Thanks, but no thanks." It's hard enough to get the courage up to contact a prospective date, at least let the sender know the e-mail was received. 

Other discourteous behaviors include giving out a wrong telephone number, saying you will call when you have no intention of doing so, talking on your cell phone or texting while on a date.
Instead: Simply be honest. If you don't want to see someone again, just thank him or her for the evening.

2. You exhibit a lack of honesty. Don't lie on your profile, especially about your age and weight. Don't post a picture that is 10 years old. Don't say you are divorced if you are only separated -- or worse yet -- still living with your partner.
Instead: Be upfront about yourself. Don't start a relationship with a lie.

3. You want to jump into bed before even getting to know someone. You are too touchy-feely at the inception of the relationship.
Instead: Let a relationship develop over time. Be wary of another's boundary space.

4. You reject prospective suitors because of a lack of immediate and heart pounding chemistry. 
Instead: Consider giving a date two to three times to show you his/her real self. Some people are very nervous on a first date and don't show their best side.

5. Poor hygiene. You don't take the time to clean yourself up; wear appropriate clothing; get a haircut. In other words, you are disrespectful to your date.
Instead: Put your best foot forward, for you only have one chance to make a first impression. Make your date feel as if he/she counts!

6. You are a "Negative Nelly." You wear a sourpuss all during the date. You have nothing nice to say about anyone or anything. You are mad at the world and feels it owes you something. 
Instead: Change your perspective and attitude to one of gratitude and positivity, which are attractive qualities and draw people to you rather than push them away.

7. You can't carry on a conversation. You neither listen well nor are able to come up with anything about which to talk.
Instead: Read a newspaper or watch TV to have some topic on which you can comment. Use active listening skills and echo back what your date says and then add your own opinion.

8. You monopolize the conversation and do not let your date contribute at all.
Instead: Remember that conversation is give and take. You are not Hamlet and it is not a soliloquy!

9. You are inflexible. You can't go with the flow, if there is a change in plans.
Instead: Recognize and accept that stuff comes up. Learn to deal with it gracefully.

10. You are cheap.
Instead: If you don't have a lot of money to spend, there are lots of fun places you can go and it won't cost your anything. For example, street fairs, free concerts in the park, a picnic at an innovative place, free movies that are shown at a park or outdoor shopping center, etc.

11. You are wishy-washy.
Instead: Have an opinion without being overly opinionated.

12. You are rude to those you consider "beneath" you, for example, clerks, wait staff, etc.
Instead: That's the problem right there. No one is "beneath" you. Treat everyone with equal respect.

If any of the twelve statements describe you, make the appropriate adjustments in your behavior and watch first dates turn into more!

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