Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Finding Love After Loss: Do You Need Help Finding Love?

Here's a short 6 question quiz.
1. Are you active on Internet dating sites but never seem to be able to get past the initial introductory e-mail?
2. Are you participating in activities and events aimed at singles?
3. For women, do you have a lot of first dates but they never seem to go anywhere? For men, do you often get rejected when asking for a second date?
4. Do your dates say, "You're such a nice person, but I don't see this going anywhere but being friends."
5. Yes or No? You are attractive and successful in your professional life, but you can't seem to find anyone who you would be interested in dating.
6. Do you retreat from a relationship once it gets past the "get to know you phase" and settles into a routine?

If the aforementioned describes your experience, you are not alone! Many people simply jump into dating without a plan and then they are disappointed when things don't go as well as they would like.

One of the best steps you can take to encounter more success is to formulate an Action Plan. Just think ... when you complete a project for work, don't you usually have a defined goal? And don't you lay out the steps to take in order to reach that goal successfully? Oftentimes, jumping in without a plan can lead to delays, a need to backtrack and rethink and redo, disappointment and frustration. Successful dating in no different. You need a plan!

Consider the following in constructing your ACTION PLAN.

1. Have you taken the time to get to know who you are at this moment in time and what type of partner would really fit into your life (and lifestyle)?
2. How serious are you about finding a new life partner? Are you willing to put in the hard work to find someone with whom you can connect?
3. Have you defined your ultimate goal? Is it dating, marriage, cohabitation, a platonic partner?
4. Have you examined your life to ascertain whether you have time (or are willing to make the time) to have a meaningful relationship?
5. Do roadblocks exist that would need to be conquered before you would be able to enter a meaningful, committed relationship?
6. If you are dating via the Internet, is your profile an accurate representation of who you are? Is it attracting the right prospective partners but you are still not able to "close the deal"?
7. Have you brushed up on your communication skills? After being in a long term relationship, people often get used to non-verbal clues. New relationships need verbal clues.
8. Are you attending the right types of events to meet the type of person you want to meet?
9. Are you willing to make yourself vulnerable and accept rejection as part of the process?

Wishing and wanting to find a new romantic partner sometimes does not provide enough focus for that desire to come to fruition. If you want to find love, you must make it a priority in your life and then take the necessary steps to make it happen.

And if you've tried and can't "make it happen" on your own, utilizing a relationship coach for professional guidance can help you hone your focus and provide a fresh perspective for you to look at dating in a different light.

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