Tips For Dating After Loss

Dating Before You're Ready For Another Relationship Is 

Simply Practice For When The Real Thing Comes Along

On the average, two years is a healthy time to wait before starting to date after the loss of a spouse from death. After a divorce or break-up, it is equally important to take some time for yourself and by yourself. No matter the circumstances, the experience of losing a partner changes you, and it's necessary for you to figure out who that new person is before jumping into a new relationship. 

If you're anxious for companionship, what you could do is “practice” date before you're truly ready to re-partner. However, realize you are not in the right frame of mind to make a lasting commitment until you're done healing your wounded heart. 

Mourning your last relationship BEFORE moving into a new relationship is imperative for a successful outcome. 

Come To Know The Difference Between

Loneliness and Honest Attraction 

When you are lonely and vulnerable, it is easy to be flattered by attention from prospective partners and mistake those feelings for true emotional compatibility. Keep those heady feelings in check while you get to really know someone. Deep and meaningful relationships take lots of time to develop. 

What we resist, persists. 

 

In resistance, you give energy to a thought or feeling, and the universe has no choice but to reflect it back to you. When you block the flow of energy (by resisting), you stop it from being released. If you are steeped in your loneliness, those feelings will continue to persist until you change your thoughts regarding this matter. 

Try to imagine that the universe is a giant mirror and whatever you project out is reflected back into your life. If you don’t believe that there are men and women of quality for you to meet or that both sexes are untrustworthy, then these are the types of people who you will encounter. In actuality, it is your own demeanor and belief system that are drawing these less than desirable types to you. You have set up an expectation, and the universe and you will look to fulfill and validate it.

Tips for Healthy Relationships

Amy Poehler said: "I want to be around people that do things. I don't want to be around people anymore that judge or talk about what people do. I want to be around people who dream and support and do things."

Negative people focus on what’s wrong and complain. Positive people may focus on a problem but then think of ways to turn it around. 

With whom are YOU spending your time and is it impacting your vision of yourself and the world around you? 

Sshh! Never fail to know that, if you are doing all the talking, you are boring someone. 

Conversation is a two-way street. Think of it like a volleyball game. It’s the job of the participants to keep the ball up in the air and transfer control back and forth. Additionally, sometimes it’s your turn to serve (be in charge) and, at other times, you must cede control to the other team.  

Tom Arnold said, "It’s easy to enjoy each other while on vacation in Maui. The key is find someone you can have fun with during the six hour fight over there."

Big events such as celebrations and vacations are terrific. However, life is lived and love is expanded in all the little mundane moments. Don’t let any moments (big or small) pass you by without feeling grateful for being able to share your life with your partner. 

Check out my roster of books on dating, love and relationships, which are available via Amazon and/or Barnes and Noble.

3 Tips on How To Have a Healthy Relationship

The Boiling Frog Syndrome

Beware the Boiling Frog Syndrome, which states the following rule: If a frog is placed in a pot of boiling water, he'll immediately jump out of it to protect himself.

However, if you place a frog in a pot of cool to room temperature water and slowly turn up the fire until it reaches a boil, he won't notice the subtle change in temperature and will be boiled alive. 

Here's how to extrapolate this principle to the state of your relationship. 

You know when you're in boiling water with a partner. However, it's not so easy to recognize when things are slowly going awry. The lesson: Pay Attention! Big things often have small beginnings. It's possible to remedy an issue before it gets out of hand and seems unconquerable.

There Are No "Shoulds"

Don't hide you vast magnificence simply to fit into someone else's preconceived notion of who he/she thinks you should be. Only YOU get to decide who you are! Walk tall to your own drumbeat.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Make sure to build your relationship upon a strong foundation, which includes honesty, respect,and open communication, so it doesn't crumble during times of trouble.

For further help on finding love and keeping it vibrant, check out my roster of books on this subject by clicking here.

Relationships Start With You

Love won't solve all your problems OR make it a perfect world. It will, however, provide a partner with whom you can face the everyday assault of the slings and arrows upon your soul. 

And that will make all the difference.

Be patient with love.

Desperation never catches anything healthy.

Always walk to your own moral drumbeat. Often, when others observe bold behavior, it makes them feel uncomfortable because they realize they are too fearful to exhibit the same. In turn, they may reject you rather than confronting their own failings.

Whether you're in a relationship or not, the person with whom you spend the most amount of time is YOU! 

That's why it's so important to love and enjoy your own company. Then you're never lonely because you find yourself so entertaining or are easily amused by life in general.

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