Friday, June 10, 2011

Reveal or Conceal?

In your everyday conversations, do you speak to conceal or reveal? Is there a right time to do one or the other, or should we always be an open book to all we meet?

In general, I am extremely straightforward and put all my cards on the table. I neither have the desire nor the time to play games. I query, "How can another respond to me authentically, if I am not authentic myself?" It seems like too much work to me to pretend to be someone whom I am not and to attempt to speak only what another wants to hear in hope that he/she will like me. 

If you "pretend" to be someone who you are not, and this false persona is liked by others, is it the real YOU that is liked? This dilemma seems to be part of the dance of dating, especially for Internet dating when you are really meeting strangers.  In this instance, it is important to strike a balance between revealing all and concealing pertinent facts. Of course, there is a difference between concealing your persona and protecting yourself by not revealing every intimate detail of your life story on a first coffee date.

How do you determine what to reveal and when to do it?

Part of the dating dance is unraveling the mystery of a prospective partner. If you believe each person you meet is a gift, treat him or her accordingly. Think of how a child might approach gifts under a Christmas tree. With bated breath and anticipation, he/she might shake it, turn the box over, lift it up to determine the weight, and stand back and admire the shiny wrapping paper. As much as a child may want to rip open the presents, he/she must wait for the appropriate time to do so. The anticipation, the dreaming of possibilities -- it simply adds to the excitement of the moment when the gift is revealed.

Let's relate that to dating ...

I believe you should always be emotionally honest, although, to tell you the truth, I scared many a date away with this honesty! That way okay, though, because why would I want to be with someone who couldn't "go there" with me? So, to me, this was a great weeding out process.

It is necessary to temper your honesty and your revelations with kindness, appropriateness, and a genuine interest in finding out more about your date. Although it should never be all about you, you can reveal WHO you are and how you approach life without sharing the war stories of your life until a solid meeting of the minds is met. If a true connection is made -- call it chemistry or whatever you will -- there will be plenty of time to reveal all. In the meantime, revel in the mystery of the story. It will make you want to come back to hear the rest of it! To me, this is the magic of chemistry. It ignites a need to know more about someone whom you find fascinating; you are an inquiring mind waiting for the rest of the story!

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