We've all heard the pleas for unconditional love, but you must understand what unconditional means. It doesn't mean that one person can do or say anything he or she wants to another and still expect to be loved.
The following poem addresses what unconditional means. It is an excerpt from Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story, which is available via my website.
GROWN-UP LOVE
I believe that unconditional love is a fairy tale
that does not co-exist with mature love.
For love to flourish and eventually deepen there are unspoken promises
... To treat each other with respect
... To speak to each other with words of caring
rather than those that carry hurt
... To show each other one’s best side rather than the worst
... To continue be the same person one presented to
the other once the “honeymoon is over”
... To make time spent together a priority
... In discussions, not to make the other person wrong, even if you disagree
... To consciously decide not to reach a point
of anger or defensiveness with each other
... To not expect anything of your partner that you,
yourself, can’t or won’t do
... Above all ... to be nice to each other and
make each day a celebration of having found each other
If you recall, in last week's blog I wrote about how our collective consciousness has also taught us that romantic, or true love, equals neediness. In fact, the opposite is true.
Keep in mind that, in order to have a healthy relationship, there must be a boundary space between the two individuals. After all, if two people agree on everything – one of them is unnecessary!
A Final Reminder:
Love doesn't happen within the confines of a fairytale, although you and your partner can live happily ever. You simply must be willing to continue to write your story over each day as you encounter new obstacles to overcome and new opportunities of which to take advantage.
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