Developing Inner Dimensionality

Having met my first husband when I was only 15 years old did not give me much time to try out my wings to find out who I was as an individual. We were so alike that we naturally grew together, our branches tightly interwoven. When he died, I lost one dimension of my entire being, and I needed to grow a new limb to fill the empty space left by his absence. And that’s when I really started exploring who I was and who I wanted to be going forward.

One of the hardest tasks for me to accomplish was to merge the old pictures of myself that I was carrying around with the new pictures of who I had become. I still had this image of a 15 year old girl who was shy and didn’t have much to say. I thought I might even be boring and no one would be interested in what I had to say.

I remember quite distinctly when those two images merged. It was maybe a year or more after my late husband died and I was out to lunch with some girlfriends and others whom I had never met. As the conversation buzzed, I found I was leader. I actually remember stepping out of my body and viewing the scene objectively. I was neither shy nor boring; in fact, everyone was quite interested in what I had to say! Now, I’m not saying that to “toot my horn” but only to point out that others were seeing me differently than I saw myself. This happened at the beginning of my dating career too. I would tell a man I was shy and he would laugh at me and tell me I was crazy. He would go on to say that I was anything but shy and that I made it comfortable for him to talk too.

When you get repeated confirmations from multiple sources, sometimes you just have to make the adjustments in your own perception too. So, I merged my old and new pictures in my mind and accepted the “new me.”

Did I reinvent myself? Maybe not, but I certainly felt like a different person. What I actually did was recognize another dimension of my being that was always there but which I kept in the dark. It was brought forth by these new situations into which I foisted myself.

As we evolve, we add more and more dimensions to our being and to our life, like circles that radiate out and orbit around us. I think I choose to be like the planet Saturn and have lots of rings, for this gives me more depth or dimensionality. It allows me to be comfortable in all sorts of situations and with all types of people. It allows me a cushion so if I “lose a another limb” of my tree (as I did when my first husband died), I still have lots of other limbs to support me.

I consider reinvention to be the broad category under which a lot of different actions can take place. It is rediscovering the ‘you’ hidden beneath the veil of ego that has you compare yourself to others. It is coming to neutral and clearing your slate to start fresh. It is building a multi-layered and multi-faceted person who can jump into any role when the situation calls for it. It is taking on new roles. It is being confident and brave enough to step into the unknown – and, if you fail, to pick yourself up and try again.

I believe any sort of loss adds significantly to your dimensionality as a human being. You need strength and depth of character to get through the hard stuff that is encountered during a lifetime in order to emerge intact. As you move through your journey of life and explore new avenues, you are naturally adding to your dimensionality.

I suggest you complete a self check-in every now and then to evaluate yourself. You may have unknowingly reinvented yourself!

Reinvention vs Dimensionality

Lately, I’ve been talking a lot about reinvention, which Webster defines as remaking or redoing completely. And although I do believe you become a different person after any life-altering change, perhaps reinvention is too strong or daunting a term for some. What you are really doing is adding new dimensions to your personality and to your life – and you can add them at your own pace as you become more comfortable with change.

However, the end result may still be a complete reinvention. It all depends on the depth of the dimensions and how many you add.

That said, I think I will replace reinvention with a new “buzz” word: DIMENSIONALITY, or the level of consciousness which describes the elements, factors or aspects that make up a complete personality or entity.

Let’s just complicate it a little bit more, though! There is both outer and inner dimensionality. As we evolve as human beings, we are adding to both these layers.

We take on new roles, for example, I started off as a girl; I grew to a teenager, woman, wife, mother, widow, wife (again), step-mother, and now grandmother.

We may also change jobs. Here’s my quick resume and you will see I still am figuring out what I want to be when I grow up!

I started off as an English teacher wanting to make everyone love reading as much as I did. Through many incarnations, I owned my own bookkeeping company and kept the books for many retail outlets. I owned a custom card company where I designed and hand airbrushed the images. I earned a license to sell health/life insurance. I was a pseudo Cyrano de Bergerac and wrote for others what they could not express themselves. I was the Managing Editor of a small press. I manage a stock portfolio. I am a certified Grief Recovery Specialist. I am a Life Coach, speaker and workshop leader. And here’s a fun one ... I am a certified Toe Reader! I am the author of my own books and have also written the life stories of many clients. I have co-edited an anthology of stories that focus on grief and renewal. I have co-authored a book on spirituality with Melinda Vail, an amazing intuitive therapist who has the ability to speak to those who have passed away.

Every time I hear about something new, I want to do it – whether I have the training or not. (And I happen to be exploring something today!) I know I am infinitely trainable, so I never see the limitations. Okay, so maybe I won’t be a brain surgeon, but there is still a myriad of opportunities from which to choose if you are not happy wearing your current hat or just want to expand your horizons.

The above are mostly outward manifestations, but they do, however, dictate with whom I come in contact. Sitting at home in front of my computer trading stocks is certainly quite different than being out in the world speaking, coaching, and interacting with a diverse group of people. In turn, my thoughts and emotions are impacted by these interactions and the feedback I receive. As I process and digest new information, this leads to the growth of my dimensionality. My husband sometimes gets upset with me that I may change my attitude towards a particular subject. I tell him that I am always a work-in-progress and as I gather new information I may need to change my old viewpoints. I always want to remain open to ideas and thoughts that allow me to see issues from multiple perspectives.

More to come on inner dimensionality ....