Are You In Love or In Love With Love?

Has your status read “Single” for quite some time now, and you feel ready to look for new love?

Stepping into dating awakens your senses that have remained dormant when you were without a special someone.

After a long hiatus, upon connecting with a prospective partner, you start to ‘remember’ what it feels like to be in love – or at least in like. And it feels great!!

Your new beau may be showering you with attention; telling you how wonderful you are; and, very soon, professing his love.

It’s very tempting to get caught up in this whirlwind of good feelings. However, when you’re in the midst of a whirlwind, your vision can become blurred. Red flags may be flying, but either you can’t see them or you’re ignoring them.

It feels like the sweet smell of love is in the air and you want to breathe it in. For the first time in a long time, you allow yourself to be vulnerable to another. There’s a whole lot of sharing and caring going on, and the two of you are in constant contact.

Perhaps, after a few months (or it might even be weeks), the “winds” die down. Contact is a little less frequent. Affirmations of love are a little slower in coming. In general, there’s a pullback.

You might wonder, “What did I do?” or “When did things change?”

You’re confused – probably a little hurt, too.

So, what happened?

Well, if this was your first foray into dating after the loss of a partner, you may have been infatuated with love vs. truly loving your prospective partner.

When you are able to look past your emotions and reflect on the situation, you might come to the following conclusion.

You actually loved the way you were being loved because this made you feel so great about yourself, and this was a way you haven’t felt in a long time (romantically speaking).

So consider the idea that when the loving interactions stopped, you might not have really missed the other person but only the good feelings you derived by being the recipient of love and desire.

This is one of the reasons why it is important to take your time when dating. Chemistry is terrific, but real love takes time to develop.

Chemical reactions can look like they are going to work, but eventually the lab blows up! Slow and steady, adding in ingredients a little at a time (i.e. trust, honesty, steadfastness), can ensure a better result for your ‘experiment.’ After all, aren’t all budding relationships experiments until they metamorphose into something real?

So my best advice to beginning daters is 

“Take It Slow – Take It Slow – Take It Slow!”