Finding Love After Loss

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Friday, August 26, 2011

Can Separate Bedrooms Save A Relationship?

As much as you may like to snuggle up with your honey, it is also important to get a good night’s sleep so you can address each day refreshed and renewed. Sometimes that is just not possible when your partner is sawing logs all night! In truth, a great majority of people snore, although no one likes to admit it!

Maclean’s, a Canadian magazine, reports, “That steam engine in your bed is bad for your health, worse for your marriage.” A lack of a good night’s sleep is often responsible for grumpiness, a short temper and an argumentative temperament – all characteristics of trouble in paradise.

So, even though you may be hesitant to have separate bedrooms because you believe it will mean the demise of romance, it can have just the opposite effect. When you wake up after a good night’s sleep, you are better able to cope with all that confronts you, including possible conflict with a partner. Accordingly, a sleep deprived person may take offense at every word, while a rested person can pick his or her battles well.

Think of separate bedrooms as simply meaning that there is a bed set up in another room where one or the other of you can retreat when a partner’s snoring keeps you up. This still allows for romance. You can start the evening together, be intimate, indulge in pillow talk, and fall asleep in one another’s arms. However, it will also allow you to get your needed rest.

In fact, all the rage in Hollywood and other upscale communities is the snoratorium, which is a small but comfortable room adjacent to the master suite. It's like a nursery for adults! It is a place where the noisier sleeper can retreat, giving both parties the opportunity for a restful sleep. Mark Nash, author of 1001 Tips for Buying and Selling a Home, suggests that the perfect snoratorium should be fitted with a double bed to encourage occasional visits from a compassionate spouse.

Additionally, although it may not be labeled a snoratorium, according to the U.S. National Association of Home Builders, by the year 2015, 60% of new upscale homes will be built with dual master bedrooms.

So, as it seems, you may not be the only one who is snoring up a storm tonight!

And for those of you who are not yet in a relationship but are dating and headed towards a first sleepover, are you excited yet hesitant because of your sleeping habits? One woman stated, “I am dreading meeting a new guy. When he stays over, he’s going to find my snoring such a turn off.” (Maclean’s) 

Don’t let this be a stumbling block for you. If you find yourself in this predicament, you can broach the subject in a light hearted manner. On the other hand, do you really think it will be an issue the first time you are intimate with a partner? After all, how much “sleeping” is going to be going on!!


Friday, August 19, 2011

Finding Love After Loss: How To Flirt

Webster's Definition: to behave amorously without serious intent; 
to show superficial or casual interest or liking

Flirtation: attention without intention
~Max O'Rell, John Bull and His Island

Flirting can be considered both a sport and an art as witty repartee is tossed back and forth. Most times it is harmless, for it keeps emotional intimacy out of the equation. It is great practice for those fine-tuning their "dating legs" after a long hiatus.

Here are some key elements of flirting.

1. Smile. This is the most important ingredient. A smile can light up your face, but make sure to smile with your eyes as well as your lips for the full effect. It is beckoning to others, for they will find you open and approachable.

2. Maintain eye contact. Hone in on your target, although extended staring is sort of creepy. When you speak to someone, do not let your eyes wander to see if there is anything better out there.

3. Be brave. Say hello first. This brave gesture will be appreciated and rewarded, especially from the more shy who may have wanted to make the first move but couldn't muster up the courage to do so.

4. Speak little and hear much. You don't have to be a great conversationalist to flirt. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Get the ball rolling and then just listen!

5. Exude self-confidence. Be confident without being condescending. Confidence and positive attitude go hand-in-hand.

6. Be inclusive vs exclusive. Be an equal opportunity flirter -- that is, flirt with those to whom you may not be first attracted, too. Once the conversation starts going, you may rethink your position.

7. Have fun with flirting. It should be light-hearted and good spirited banter. Everyone should leave with good feelings.

8. Utilize a conversation starter. If you have a hard time initiating the flirt, use a prop. Kids and dogs always encourage conversation. For women, you could try Hair Shimmers; they are a great conversation magnet! The bottom line ... all you need is something that will encourage others to approach you.

Now, go get your flirt on and have some fun!!


Friday, August 12, 2011

Finding Love After Loss: Follow Your Toes!

This blog, which supports my book, Love After Loss: Writing The Rest of Your Story, is aimed at helping one to discover his or her own truths – to assess one's current reality while releasing attachments to the past in order to pick up the pen and start writing a new chapter in the book of one's life.  

Finding Love After Loss is not simply a romantic designation, but it refers to a wider stance – that of reawakening one's senses to the full wonder of the world. With this newfound sense of appreciation, one can decide which path to follow.

And how do we walk these pathways? On our feet, of course! The feet, and the toes, can actually tell the story of your life, for they store the physical, emotional and spiritual experiences we encounter during our walk on this planet.

Toe reading has its roots in the study of reflexology and is based on the belief that our experiences are recorded by the shape, direction and color of our toes, including our toe nails. It also incorporates principles used in the practice of Ayurvedic medicine, for each toe is assigned an elemental field name: Ether, Air, Fire, Water and Earth. Each of thse elements can be discussed in relationship to one's physical, emotional and spiritual wellness.

Toe reading is not fortune telling or a psychic reading, nor will you be informed or instructed on your life purpose or how to find your soul mate. In other words, toe reading is not toe telling. Toes simply hold your life's energy and, consequently, they have their own stories to tell. The reading is in the powerful questions asked by the Toe Reader that are directed by looking at a client's toes and nails. It is also an alternative way to participate in a coaching experience as your toes can give you clues where you are headed and what you want to accomplish.

Choosing to change your story or write a new chapter can change your life, as well as the shape and direction of your toes!

Here are a couple of toe morsels upon which to nibble!

1. The right foot represents how one presents and interacts with the world, while the left foot is more about how one relates to self and to one's higher power. Consequently, the right foot and left foot toes tell different facets of one's story. The right foot also represents one's past, while the left foot is more about the present and the future.

 2. The toes of people who have led more challenging lives may have more lumps and bumps, which give clues to their emotional and personal experiences. The shape of our feet and toes may change over time and our toe nails are consistently regenerated. This is indicative of the power we hold to change our lives.

3. Flexible feet point to a person who adapts easily and is willing to go with the flow. On the other hand, if the foot is too flexible, this could indicate that there is a tendency towards being too easily manipulated. Conversely, rigid feet often indicate a person who may be harsh, strict, precise or inflexible.


Friday, August 5, 2011

Alone vs. Lonely

ALONE and LONELY. These words are sometimes used interchangeably, but, to me, they are miles apart in meaning. While alone means isolated or separated from others (and at times by choice), lonely is defined as a state that produces a feeling of bleakness or desolation. So, you can choose to be alone and happy vs. alone and sad.

On the other hand, Paul Tillich, a theologian and existentialist philosopher, suggests that "language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone."

Semantics aside ...
Due to the loss of a mate, you may find yourself alone AND lonely for a period of time. However, as you heal and spend a fair amount of leisure time by yourself, you do not necessarily have to be lonely. 

"Alone time" is when you can make the greatest leaps in your personal evolution. In fact, even when you are in the midst of a relationship, I am a big believer in taking some time apart to recharge and rejuvenate. This doesn't mean that you lead separate lives or go out partying without your mate ... only that you make room for some solitary moments.

A Solitary Moment

We are two individuals 
who have decided to walk down the path of life hand in hand

One of the reasons, I believe, our bond is strong is that 
we recognize and respect each other's need for solitude

It is not an affront to either one of us if some "alone time" is needed

Life has turned out to be one big balancing act
So, it is in this "alone time" that we both can rejuvenate, 
reflect upon our lives and our relationship, and RE-balance ourselves

I want to emphasize that what is most important to me is YOU, 
our family and the precious moments we spend together

Sometimes it is easy to put that on a back shelf 
when you get caught up in the minutia of everyday life

That is why I think our solitary moments only strengthen our bond
For I take those moments to realize
how lucky I am to have you as my partner